Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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