At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
