Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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