Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
operation harelip BJ is a go
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry about my life...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
