A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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