so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
