Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
