The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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