and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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