Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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