it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
