I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
