Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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