I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
