DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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