3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
