i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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