so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
