guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
