Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
