Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
