There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dicks are not precious.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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