i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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