even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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