So drunk its hurt
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
