omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize