so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
