operation have a gay friend backfired
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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