I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize