Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
