I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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