Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
