apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
