For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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