i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
