you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
