he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
