she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
