imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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