dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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