I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
