Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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