What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize