I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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