Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
