I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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