My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you never un-have a 4some
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
