I hate your face
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
