You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
