i just wanna soil my oats bro
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
