Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
