So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
