dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There are leaves in my underwear?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
