i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
