I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
