Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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