Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
