im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
