it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
