I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
