Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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