My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
