You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
