What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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