so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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