she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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