He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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