I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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