It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
