you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
